|
My good friend Paige died the other day - car crash in Renton. She was 20 years old. A truck made a U-turn without seeing the jeep in the oncoming lane with Paige and her boyfriend inside. She died in the collision, and he is in the hospital in "satisfactory condition". I can only hope that he recovers from the loss someday. There is nothing fair about this, it's all WRONG. Makes me sick to my stomach. But I have faith in you God, to watch over her.
I miss you dearly Paige, we all do |
|
It's been about half a year since I talked to her last, since she said she'd call me back to hang out. I'm still dwelling on it as though it was yesterday. I miss her just as much as I did when she walked away from me, with that same pathetic covetous intensity. Only difference is my mind is preocupied with other thoughts more of the time now.
I wish I could see her again. She wouldn't want that. She erased me from her existence, and it was justified.
^_^ Every time I'm writing something like this, I can't help but cry. And when I stop to read it back, I realize how incoherent and stupid it all sounds outside of my head. A quick laugh to lighten my mood.Current Mood:  guilty |
|
|
Jan. 23rd, 2006 @ 11:20 pm
|
|---|
|
At the end of the day, all the people I dislike, all the people I miss, all my friends, co-workers, and people I've merely glanced at for seconds, find an equilibrium in my mind. They are all human beings, their own entities. It takes my frustration with them away, and raises my love and respect for my friends and family. A nice thought I try to fall asleep to sometimes ^_^Current Mood:  grateful Current Music: Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell - The Flaming Lips |
|
 Current Mood:  tired |
|
 Current Mood: happy |
|
|
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 05:11 pm
|
|---|
|
Geuh! I feel like a cynical old man. Do I have the right to be? All but 3 of my closest friends over the last few years have ended up using me or doing something terrible to me unprovoked. If thats all that keeps coming my way, I can't help but get more and more dead to the world.
Jesus Christ, I'm not in a good place right now |
|
Gross
|
Dec. 15th, 2005 @ 08:36 am
|
|---|
|
Best-friend fantasies and fake "I love you" 's
Just to be make the dealer, showing you the goods, feel special.
You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first.
Like a large filthy man, you've filled the interior
With a thick layer of B.O. and a greasy slime
That won't scrub off with a steel-wool sponge.
I walk in public
Knowing I've failed as meat
Knowing I've failed to lose the stink lines
Trailing me like paparazzi.
People change through new extremes
Find a new thing to bring those childhood tears out
And watch your skin age and eyes dull
This new ride may be a junker
Sticky vinyl and a dead carcass smell throughout
But it runs. |
|
My mind lacks the foresight to predict the uncomfortable ache
Or the volume of the cartilage pop when I unclench my grip
I've kept my digits still and muscles primed
Gotten so used to the feel of it in that position
Forgotten all about my crinkled fist.
And a neuron to bring this house of cards down is so expected
A twitch in the system, a tug on rope 3 of the B group
The finger comes up half a millimeter, and comes back down.
Imagine an old two ton bronze door swinging open
It couldn't produce a creak like this
Nor could getting hit by it compare with the arthritic sting of the muscle spasm.
Suddenly aware that it hasn't let go
The hand throbs of wasted effort and older, longer pains.
I know what I'm holding
But I don't want to look back
If I can't see her, she won't see me. |
|
I'm gonna add a background and fix some of the issues tomorrow. Also, I should really start writing in here again.Current Mood:  weird |
|
|
Nov. 22nd, 2005 @ 01:16 am
|
|---|
|
 Current Mood:  something |
|
 Current Mood: silly |
|
|
Oct. 27th, 2005 @ 10:28 pm
|
|---|
|
A toy I have that I rendered in 3d MaxCurrent Mood: tired |
|
Me Oog
|
Sep. 24th, 2005 @ 12:59 pm
|
|---|
|
So there me was, beating rock with stick into powder because me dumb and me caveman. Oog talk so awkward sometimes.
 Current Mood:  cheerful |
|
See the animal in its cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?
What if all the world's inside of your heart
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you really are alone
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the words
Are you hiding in the dreams?
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?
- "Right Where it Belongs" - Nine Inch NailsCurrent Mood:  geeky |
|
There are only notes. It's all instrumental. Yet, there is a message, written in not words, but definitions of words. You can chose any words that fit the meaning, but the message will remain. And every time someone hears my notes, my chords, my melody, my chest feels like it is going to cave in for the fear that they will find the message. If you were to imagine just for a second, that it isn't an instrument, but someone singing, talking even. And then listen to the tone of their voice and how it changes. You might find it and realize how much more there is to communication than words.Current Mood: home at last |
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ntzemiro's journal
calm
angry
don't wanna go to work